| Last Stand Against Playboy |
July 29th, 2001
The covers of Playboy have always been used by men as a summery to exactly what their eyes will grace as they thumb through the pages. If I see a girl dressed up like a bunny on the cover, I expect a full-scale attack of bunny-girl pictures beneath the cover. If I see a naked blonde girl (the only girls there are) riding a saddle strapped to a fence I expect cowgirls galore to be presented to me when I turn the page, roping cattle and tending the horses. But what the fuck should I expect when I see Jeri from the quote unquote hit television series Survivor on the cover of my Playboy? I'll tell you what I expect, I expect horrid images of the human spirit pitted against the worst nature has to offer. To be more specific, I expect to see a starved, very tan girl feasting over a dead rat and occasionally talking to a volleyball. I don't care who the fuck she is and what reality television show she was on, I don't want her in my Playboy. She's common folk. Where do the stars of reality tv come from? Reality, that's where. And that's just where I don't want my naked women in my magazines coming from. If I want a common folk naked chick I'll get a girlfriend, I don't need them in my Playboy. Naked women in porno are supposed to be super-human. They're supposed to look like they were especially made by god to please you for the one still moment in which that photo was taken, not bump into you at Starbucks. To make up for this blunder I want, nay I demand that Playboy place something much more unobtainable on it's cover for next month. Maybe a picture of some Disney characters will restore my faith in the porno industry.
Quote of the Day: Voltar you get the scary hoochie girl off my monitor and get me Suzan! - Space Ghost
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"The way you made them suffer, your exquisite wife and mother,
fills me with the urge to defecate!" - Pink Floyd - The Wall
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