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Puppy Love

July 30th, 2001
I'm dying to get a puppy. Not for all the gay reasons some people like to get puppies. I could give two fucks if they're cuddly or if they're the cutest thing I've ever seen. The cutest thing I ever hope to see is going to be dancing on a pole. Don't get me wrong, I don't want them for the reason bikers and hicks want them ether. If I have an intruder and my dog doesn't get him, I'm pretty sure my shotgun will. I also don't need anything to fetch my slippers or hunt with me. So what the hell do I need a dog for? Well, having a baby just to pick up chick is immoral. Besides, you've got to feed, bath, and take care of babies, dogs are independent creatures. If you leave a baby chained to a poll in your backyard DSS breaks down your door in the middle of a good television show... leave a dog chained to a poll in your backyard and no one cares. A dog can hunt and kill passing squirrels... a babies teeth and nails just aren't developed enough to tear flesh. Sure, there are other ways to pick up chicks but most of them aren't nearly as efficient as a puppy. Sure, I could put out for some nice clothes, maybe a haircut or a bath, but all that does is attract gold digger and widowers. A woman sees a man driving an expensive car goes for that man for one thing: money. A woman that sees a man with a puppy knows that he doesn't have any money, and the chance that he has friends is just as slim. So if I'm out with a puppy in my dirty sweat clothes and a woman actually talks to me, I know I've got a pretty good chance if she's going for a dirty, poor man who doesn't have any friends. We've got a word for these women: Easy pickin's. How do you know if what you've gotten is a "score" or "easy pickin's"? It's easy... you have yourself a woman that you don't know the name of and your bedroom floor looks like this:

Quote of the Day: It is hot as fuck out here. - Greg Grialdo

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