Well if I ever thought our countries great military was anything that didn't start with "re" and end with "tarded", that idea was totally thrown away today. www.goarmy.com has placed an add on MY television trying to recruit ME into the army. Normally I would completely ignore something like this but I am unable to ignore their stupidity this time around. As an advertising campaign, the United States Army has made a video showing the first days of basic training. For those of you unfamiliar with military terms, basic training is a several week long process of being beaten and yelled at by people who barely graduated high school. Why would the world's greatest army believe that showing footage of new recruits getting beaten with soap in a pillow case would make any one in their right mind want to join the army? Or maybe that's just it. Maybe they're looking for people who aren't in their right mind. This isn't the militaries only process for recruiting youngsters. Another one of their bright ideas was to go to high schools around the country and set up booths with lots of pictures of tanks and guns. Now unless they've already been indicted for shooting up their school, this process will only attract young redneck boys who like to watch badgers anus's explode from a well placed firework. Another of the militaries great ideas could only have come from the great marines. They simply call your house and ask you to join. That's all good except saying "no" is just as easy as getting out of a porn site. For 6 months the Marines called my house asking for either myself or my brother, and we'd always tell them that we weren't home. Finally it got so bad I decided to tell them the truth. One day they called asking for me and I answered the phone. Regrettably I informed them that young Michael was off in rehab and knowing him he wouldn't be out for a long time. When they never called back for me, I knew I'd stumbled across something. So when they called for my brother, Dan, I pretended to be him. Here's how the conversation went:
Killa' Marine Mark: DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR LIFE FULLFILLING AND MEANINGFULL!?!*
Me: Yes.
Killa' Marine Mark: DO YOU WANT MONEY TO PAY FOR YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATION!?!
Me: I suppose.
Killa' Marine Mark: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT JOINING THE MARINES!?!
Me: You bet I have!
Killa' Marine Mark: WHEN DO YOU PLAN ON ENROLLING!?!
Me: A-S-S-P Sailorboy!
Killa' Marine Mark: DO NOT REFER TO ME AS "SAILORBOY"!!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP A MEETING TO ENROLL!?!
Me: Oh, anything to get me around any of you hunky armymen.
Killa' Marine Mark: UH, WHEN... WOULD BE A.. GOOD TIME FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT.
Me: Whenever is good for you. My boyfriend and I are going on vacation for a week to a romantic little spot in Maine, but anytime after that would be just great hun.
Killa' Marine Mark: WELL OUR... SCHEDUAL IS RATHER.... FulL and WE well, ummmm, WE **cough cough** could contact you at a latER TIME. THAT WOULD BE THE BEST IDEA!!! THANK YOU!!! **click**
* the capital letters represent the aggressiveness in the marines' voice
Quote of the Day: If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. - Jack Handey
