| Happy All Doppelganger Eve |
August 1st, 2001
Today is Wednesday, the first of August, two-thousand and one. Besides the fact that my car's inspection is officially expired, what does this mean to you? Today should spark visions of sugar plums and holiday exorcisms to remove the spirit of Frosty from your snowman. If corporations can so easily cash in on a religious event, I'm pretty sure I should have no problem cashing in on a non-religious one. Thus, I officially dub today All Doppelganger Eve. Tonight signifies the day before the fat republican man with the white hair and the rosy nose stumbles drunk through your front door and leaves presents in your shoes. When all the kiddies wake up in the morning they will find smelly fecal matter and half-drunk bottles of vodka waiting for them. But why? What's the true story behind Doppelganger Day? D-Day, as we've come to call it, marks the day that our government finally made that fatal slip and proved that there is no separation between church and state. Today they decided that cloning humans is not only immoral, but also unholy. Well first off it's a proven fact that the only person in this fucking country that isn't allowed to be immoral is our President (including the guys who "tisk tisk" him for being so), but "unholy"? For some reason I don't think a legal excuse for banning human cloning should be "unholy". That's like saying that we can't own guns "because". I'm sure the guy in the hospital dying because his heart exploded while doing heavy lifting totally understands that he can't have a brand new cloned heart because only God is allowed to make hearts. Well fuck that. As soon as I post this I'm on my way to the state house to file an Anti-Trust lawsuit against God. We can't let him hold a monopoly over the human organ market. Besides, if I need a new pair of lungs before I die I'm probably better off with a cloned pair then hoping God grows me a new set. What do they think scientists are going to do with the cloned humans? Make hats out of them? Personally, I wouldn't mind some clothes out of human skin. Nice, comfortable, and affordable.
Quote of the Day: Women need to hear compliments all the time. Women need food, water, and compliments... and an occasional pair of shoes - Chris Rock
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"The way you made them suffer, your exquisite wife and mother,
fills me with the urge to defecate!" - Pink Floyd - The Wall
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