| Lock n' Load, Baby... Lock n' Load |
August 14th, 2001
I've been known to have a few of my own get-rich-quick schemes every now and then, so why should this time be any different? Girls, wanna make an easy 5 grand? Wanna put five-thousand dollars in your pocket by barely lifting a finger? Wanna do it every month? Who wouldn't! Shit, if you worked at K-Mart for 8 bucks an hour, 40-hours a week you'd only make 1,300 a month. So, have I got your attention yet? I bet I do. All you have to do to make this quick 5 G's is to sell your eggs to an, well I guess it'd be an egg bank. I'm not talking about your scrambled (I hope) or your sunny-side up (make your own fucking joke), I'm talking about your baby-making egg that only gets you into trouble with the mail-man, pool-boy, Block Buster cashier, or Unite States Senator. Really, what does it do for you if you're not shooting to make a family? Nothing. Why toss it in the trash when you could sell it for a couple grand? Fuck, if they'd pay me five-thousand dollars for a shot of my goo I'd do it in a heart beat. Instead I get what, 50 bucks? Sure, I could probably bull an easy ten grand off of my blankets and my pillow case, but that's just too much work. Honestly I think whoever invented the Sperm Bank got themselves a little bit confused. Normally when a guy wants to wack-off in a public place he's the one who ends up doing the paying. But for some reason there are people who sit around in an office all day handing out little cups and magazines collecting fistfuls of the stuff from guys who would just be wasting it on the bathroom mirror. I myself have yet to visit a sperm bank, but I think before I go I'll collect a good sized cup of sperm and bring it in with me. Then after they send me off to do my business I'll over-flow the little cup they give me, give a few gut-wrenching screams, then walk out with the little cup oozing over with my man-goo. It's like the King of never-ending pee pranks.
Quote of the Day: Dark hole. Probably evil inside. How appropriate. - Bruce Campbell as Ash in Evil Dead: Hail to the King
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